NEVER blog about the line up ever again....

There we go, I jinxed it.  Completely, and totally.

Just the other day, I found out that Steve Knightley had been mysterious removed from the billing.  That was sort of like some kind of Khmer Rouge operation - no announcement, nothing.  One moment he was there and the next....?  Gone.  Anger.

But then the news I was dreading following the announcement that Bono had emergency surgery at the end of last week finally came through the official channels merely an hour ago.

No U2.

Arse.

Now I'm scared to finish my line up blogs for Saturday and Sunday, in case it makes Stevie Wonder walk into a telegraph pole, The Bees get stung to death, The Lightning Seeds struck by lighting and Adrian Edmondson and the Bad Shepherds  buggered by a horny ram.

Just don't listen to me.

I'm off to compile a Coldplay mix for Rich.

Ian's Glastonbury 2010 must-see list - Friday

Having gone through the line-up with meticulous attention to detail, here are the list of must-sees for me this year.  They're listed in a very rough chronological order (which means some will almost certainly clash) with the stage they're appearing at in brackets.  Click on their names to go to their myspace sites if you fancy a listen:

Frank Turner (The Queens Head)
Seth Lakeman (Croissant Neuf)
Willie Nelson (Pyramid Stage)
Steve Knightley (Croissant Neuf)
Mumford & Sons (John Peel Stage)
The Bees (The Queen's Head)
U2 (Pyramid Stage)

Here is a bit about why I want to see these acts.

Frank Turner:

I can't say I know too much about him really, except I missed out on seeing him back in 2008, as he clashed with someone else.  The first album I had of him was Sleep Is For The Week - a cracking album with thought provoking lyrics and simple, straightforward guitar and vocals.

His latest album Poetry For The Deed  features a full backing band, and whilst I prefer the raw sound of Sleep Is For The Week, there are still a few top tracks to be found, especially the excellent 'Sons of Liberty'.


Seth Lakeman:

I've seen Seth several times, the last of which was in the summer of 2008 at the Moseley Folk Festival, where this photo was taken.  With forthcoming album 'Hearts And Minds' due to be released in May, it'll give me a chance to see one of my favourite folk artists live in another intimate setting, 2 years after the release of his last album, Poor Man's Heaven.

My favourite work of Seth's is without doubt Freedom Fields - the first album of his I heard.  Tracks such as 'Lady of the Sea', 'White Hare' and 'King And Country' are often used in his live shows, showing his versatility as a guitar and fiddler player.

But the song I'm most looking forward to seeing is 'Kitty Jay', a song about the legend of a teenage girl and her untimely demise often mentioned in folklore in Seth's home county of Devon.



Willie Nelson:

I saw Willie Nelson back at my first Glastonbury in 2000.  The festival has changed so much since then, but classics such as 'Always On My Mind' and 'Crazy' are as timeless as ever. 

I can't think of anything more relaxing than listening to Willie Nelson's distinctive, calming vocals soothing us with American classics spanning over 50 years.  The guy is a legend - he's worked with greats such as Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Kris Kristofferson, Sheryl Crow, Norah Jones and even Snoop Dogg.

And if that wasn't enough, the guy is 76 years old, smokes like a chimney, has been married four times and calls his guitar 'Trigger'.  Awesome.  And I know all the words to 'On The Road Again'.


Steve Knightley:

Steve is one half of highly-acclaimed folk duo Show of Hands.  It's a shame the other half - Phil Beer - isn't joining him but I'm just glad one of them is making an appearance.  Whereas Phil is the more musically gifted of the two (he's a superb guitarist), Steve is the more accomplished songwriter and has penned many classic tracks such as 'Cousin Jack', 'Roots', 'Country Life' and 'Santiago'.  Steve's set should be a great singalong for fellow folk fans.

Steve has also released several excellent solo albums, notably Cruel River and last year's Track of Words - Retraced.

I'm hoping to hear his version of Dire Straits's 'Romeo & Juliet' - a track he covered on the Cruel River album.





Mumford & Sons:

I hadn't heard of these guys until a few months ago, but I'm really looking forward to a top singalong at the John Peel Tent.  Their debut album Sigh No More has been a big success - my particular choices being 'Little Lion Man' and 'Awake My Soul'. 

There isn't enough banjo in contemporary music for my liking.  Mumford & Sons delivery here with aplomb, with some excellent banjo work in tracks such as 'Sigh No More' and 'The Cave'.

Hopefully, Mumford & Sons won't succumb to '2nd album syndrome' and we can enjoy their folk-rock melodies for several years yet.

The Bees:

An act I never thought would appear this year - but lucky me - they're playing not once, but TWICE!  The first time in the intimate setting of the Queen's Head.  They've not played since late 2008 - and I last saw them at Moseley that September - as you can see from the photo - so I'm looking forward to hearing some new material as well as some old classics.  Their last album - Octopus was released 3 years ago now, when they last appeared at Glastonbury. 

With a new album on the horizon, the opportunity to see them twice after a 2 year gap is one I can't miss.  Let's just hope that 'Wash In The Rain' isn't too ironic, and that Sunshine Hit Me is more apt.


U2

Wow.  I was absolutely stunned when Michael Eavis announced that these guys were to headline this year, and their inclusion is one of the reasons why from this year's line up is so stunning (from a personal point of view).  They're one of those acts I've always wanted to see, but have never managed to, via a mixture of them never touring near me, and ludicrous ticket prices.  But where better to hear such a huge act than at the Pyramid Stage?  It's going to be absolutely epic - I hope they play plenty of tracks from classic albums such as The Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby and my own personal favourite, The Unforgettable Fire.

Such is my excitement about seeing U2, I've compiled a playlist for my iPod of what they may play, going by recent setlists.  Thanks to Wooderson from efests for recommending some tracks I was unfamiliar with beforehand.  Anyway, here is the playlist:

Breathe
No Line On The Horizon
Angel of Harlem
Get On Your Boots
Kite
Magnificent
Beautiful Day
Elevation
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
Stay (Faraway, So Close)
Unknown Caller
City of Blinding Lights
Vertigo
The Unforgettable Fire
I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Pride (In The Name of Love)
MLK
Walk On
Where The Streets Have No Name
One
Bad
Until The End of the World
In A Little While
Mysterious Ways
Ultra Violet (Light My Way)
With Or Without You
Moment Of Surrender
'40'

It promises to be quite a night. 80,000 people singing 'How loooooong.... to sing this song......' into the Somerset sky as they make their way to every far reaching corner of the site could prove to be a 'Hey Jude' moment.

Ian's Glastonbury 2010 must-see list - Wednesday and Thursday

On to the main event, then - what's on this year? I firmly believe that 2010 sees the strongest line up the festival has seen for many years, certainly since I've been going. There are fantastic acts scattered over many stages over the three main days, but even before the main acts kick off on Friday morning, there are a few other highlights I feel I should mention.

1. Slovenia v England - World Cup Group C

Emily Eavis has confirmed that England's final World Cup group stage fixture will be shown on the big screens at the Pyramid Stage, with a 3pm kick off. Having been there for the Portugal match in Euro 2004, a HUGE crowd and great atmosphere is guaranteed.

The crowd at the Pyramid Stage for England v Portugal at Euro 2004

I'll be hoping for an England win this time (if we don't, we need shooting!!) and maybe a pint or 5 of cider to start off the celebrations...? Of course, should England qualify from their group as expected, it means they'll be playing again during the festival, on the Saturday or Sunday. I'm sure contingency plans will be made!


2. The 2nd efestivals World Cup - England v Rest of the World

Organised by some rather splendid members of efestivals, this charity football match between England (yay!) and a Rest of the World 'selection' (boo!) will be kicking off at the Pyramid Stage field at 1pm on Thursday.

A photo from last year's event - England won 9-3!

Whilst I shall obviously attend the game to roar on the Three Lions, it's worth noting that the event is also raising money for Wateraid, and you can donate by going to this website. 2009's event managed to raise over £3,000.

So as well as raising money for a good cause and watching some finely tuned atheles strut around on a turf that Wembley would be proud of (actually, that's not a joke - Wembley's pitch is bloody awful), the trophy will be present by Michael Eavis himself, AND there will be entertainment on show courtesy of Hobo Jones and the Junkyard Dogs.

Would 2 England victories in 2 days be too much to ask?!

3. Announced on his website, Aynsley Lister will be performing at the new 'Jazz and Blues' stage (location TBA at the time of writing!). Having only recently heard him for the first time, it should be a great end to the day. You can't beat a bit of Blues. I'd certainly recommend listening to Aynsley Lister on Spotify - really looking forward to seeing him. And he has an awesome name.

4. REAL ALE!! We intend to partake in a few light ales after (who am I kidding?! More than likely before and indeed during) the efests World Cup game on the Thursday. The three bars that serve PROPER beer are The Bimble Inn - located in The Park, The Avalon Inn - located (unsurpisingly enough) in the Field of Avalon, and of course Mecca itself - The Red Flag - located by the Acoustic Tent.

The amazing Bimble Inn

Whilst everyone (okay, okay - me included) have been wittering on about the line up since it was released last week, what we DON'T know is what the most important line up - the ALE line up - will be. We DO know that the Bimble Inn will be serving it's excellent array of Butts Organic Ales. Pleasing - a great start. But we'll be on tenterhooks just dying to know what delights the Red Flag will be serving up this year. Just in case you don't know what this 'Red Flag' place is, it's this:

Mecca from the outside

Here's me inside in 2007, savouring a pint of Woodforde's Wherry

I know it looks harmless and unassuming, but they probably said the same about Hitler (not that The Red Flag is in any way bad, merely that it's deceptive. I'm not trying to make this wonderful tent sound like a sadistic, murderous dictator). Inside that tent are around 10 different real ales, all excellently kept. Probably why the place doesn't open until the Thursday. Which leads me onto point number 5:

5. Cider - because it's Somserset!


I'm very much a real ale man, but I do enjoy a nice pint of cider. If ale is the thirst quenching equivalent of football, then cider is it's rugby alternative. It would be downright rude to spend 5 days in a field in Somerset without sampling some of the local ciders. There are two highlights for me. The first is an iconic part of the Glastonbury experience - the Burrow Hill Cider Bus.

With Rich and James by the Cider Bus in 2007 displaying the Burrow Hill pint cups. Very possibly after several refills of aforementioned pint cups.

The Cider Bus is a popular meeting point, due to it's distinct appearance and central setting. What ALSO helps of course is the stuff it serves. Burrow Hill is a fabulous drink, especially the Hot and Spicy variety which is especially useful at night when it can get rather cold. But one of the very best things about The Cider Bus is that it opens on the Wednesday. Whilst us ale-heads have to wait until Thursday to sample the delights of the Red Flag, the cider-ites out there have it easy and get 5 full days of cider abuse to look forward to. But fair enough - it's bloody good stuff.

The other essential drinking point is another iconic Glastonbury image - the Brothers Bar. Situated in the West Holts field (previously known as the Jazzworld area until this year), a pint of Brothers festival strength pear cider on the Wednesday is a festival tradition. It's potent stuff, but rather moreish. It's no coincidence that you see many people asleep on the Wednesday and Thursday in the West Holts field.

Me and my mate Chris enjoying the 2-litre bottle of festival strength (sadly no longer served) in 2007

Brothers is now available nationwide from most major supermarkets, meaning I get to drink it all year round. But as nice as it is, it never tastes quite as good as it does at Glastonbury.

6. 'Bimbling' - it's not like I'd be lost for things to do without the World Cup (efests or FIFA) or drinking vast quantaties of alcohol (ale or cider). One thing I cannot stress enough is quite how big the festival site is, and how much there is to see and do before the main acts start on the Friday. My advice to anyone would be - put away any map and walk forwards. You will find something to do, something to look at, something a bit random, something funny, something memorable, something arty, something relaxing or something you never knew you'd find within the festival gates. Try it. Have a walk.

A footballer's handshake with a grasshopper. Nice and random.

Me with a dragon made out of tyres - Green Fields 2008

For many people, the Wednesday and Thursday are THE best days of the festival. And I can see why they might think this. To use another footballing analogy (it's World Cup year, and it's my sodding blog - so I'm allowed to), these two days are like the pre-match beers before heading to the ground. Not that I've ever spent two whole days in a pub before a game, of course...

June 23rd can't come soon enough. My England shirts (yes - plural - 2 games in 2 days, remember?!) will be freshly laundered in readiness.

Glastonbury 2010 - the build up begins!

As you may or may not know, the Glastonbury festival starts in just over 2 months. As ever, I try to keep my excitement to myself, but it's not easy sometimes. The lineup this year - from a personal point of view - is absolutely astonishing, and as it's my first trip back to the Vale of Avalon - as well as being my last festival for a good few years - I've decided to add to the excitement of the build up by writing a few things about the place and some of the acts I want to see over the next 9 weeks or so.

An aerial view of the sunny festival site in 2008

So what are my (non-musical) hopes for 2010? The following:

• SUN!!!! There hasn't been a completely rain-free festival since 2002, and the last absolute scorcher was way back in 1995. SURELY we're due a change of luck?! I have yet to experience a completely dry Glastonbury in 5 previous trips, yet I've still suffered a couple of washouts.
• Plenty of new foods I have to try, thanks to many recommendations from extremely helpful and informative members of efestivals. Right up there has to be The Thali Cafe - which I can't believe I'm yet to visit. However, I'm sure trips to old favourites such as La Grande Bouffe and Pieminister will also be in order.
• I have to try and stay up later. I've not experienced the true night life of Glastonbury before, which is one of the main attractions for many people. I've walked around the likes of Trash City and Shangri La during the day, but that's a bit like going on the London Eye on a foggy day.
• A real ale crawl! The Bimble Inn, The Red Flag and The Avalon Inn always have a decent variety of very tasty beers on offer.
• Cider - in particular from the Burrow Hill Cider Bus and of course The Brothers Bar - to be quaffed at regular intervals, but obviously not so much that I can't concentrate, enjoy or indeed remember some of the superb acts on the line up....

There is so much to do, and so little time to do it.

It's going to be a long 9 weeks - I cannot wait.

Mysterious Don - who is Don O'Treply?

Who is this man? I have been emailed by him so many times, and I'm trying to get in touch with him to enquire about ticketing details for next year's Glastonbury Festival.

I am referring to this Irish bloke called Donald. Donald O'Treply, or simply 'Don' to his mates. Now, Don O'Treply seems like he's a clever bugger. If not clever, then certainly very, very busy. It seems that Don works for Amazon, Play.com, Glastonbury Festivals, Barclays Bank and many other internet-based companies.

Is this Don O'Treply?

I would like to know what qualifications Don has. I don't quite see how these various websites match up. I really am intrigued about Don. As he's presumably Irish, I reckon we'd get on. I like Ireland (Dublin rules) and it seems that Don likes me, otherwise why would he continue to cyber-stalk me? He hasn't once asked me what I think about my overdraught, who I'd like to see at Glastonbury (though curiously he knows my reference number) and hasn't once asked what I thought of the PS3 game he sent me.

If you know who Don is, where he's located and how he's managed to get such interesting, regular work with so many different companies, please leave a comment underneath.

And Don - if you're reading this (well, you might be - you seem to track me down when I least expect it) please can you let me know when tickets go on sale for Glastonbury 2010?

Much obliged.

How can anyone NOT like Queen?!

After discussions with people I can ONLY describe as heathens, it has come to my attention that anyone who cannot appreciate - no, LOVE Queen is either lying or totally insane.

What's NOT to like about them? They're flamboyant, they're happy, but at the same time, they're talented musicians who created anthemic classics. Like The Beatles, the names of their songs are embedded into our minds. Song titles have become common phrases. Who doesn't know the rousing guitar solos to Bohemian Rhapsody?

Go beyond the big hits - listen to their albums from the very beginning. Hear the opening bars of Sheer Heart Attack - with the noise of a fairground gradually merging into the opening riff to Brighton Rock.

Listen to the quite ridiculous drums from Roger Taylor - possibly the best British drummer since Keith Moon, with wrists that work quicker than a happy Japanese prisoner of war.

John Deacon - supposedly the 'dull one' - yet one of the most understated bass players in rock. He wrote I Want To Break Free AND Another One Bites The Dust - two of the countless everyday phrases we use thanks to Queen's influence.

And I've got this far without mentioning the main man himself - the magnificent Freddie Mercury - how we miss him. Many people have tried to emulate this great man, all have failed. And everyone will fail - he is irreplaceable. Not only did the world lose it's greatest ever front man in 1991, but also a very, very gifted musician and songwriter. This great man penned Bohemian Rhapsody - constantly voted rock's best ever song - as well as We Are The Champions, Bicycle Race, Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Don't Stop Me Now and many, many more songs that even people who pretend not to care about Queen know and (probably behind closed doors) love.

When they weren't making 'the rocking world go round', Queen were serenading us with ballads that not only moved us, but made us think. A wonderful song called Is This The World We Created? found on their 1984 album The Works is still more than relevant today, 25 years later. A telling sign of Queen's lasting legacy.

And then there's Love Of My Life, a song penned by both May and Mercury. I had the pleasure of seeing Queen and Paul Rodgers last October, and whilst Freddie's absence was like a gaping hole through the hearts of both his old band and legions of loyal fans, it was like he was there with us when Brian May strummed the opening chords to this classic from 1975. He didn't need to sing a word - several thousand of us stood in for Freddie for four and a half minutes. Stirring stuff.

Who could I recommend Queen to? Well let's see - anyone with a passing interest in singing, guitar playing, drumming, song writing, performance art, or with a passion for good, honest British culture. Or indeed, anyone who simply wants to be cheered up. When you get home after a hard day at work, put your feet up, bung A Night At The Opera on the stereo, sit back and listen to 4 geniuses at work.

With that I leave you with an image that sums up these greats of modern music. The moment that they encapsulated the world - billions of viewers. Wembley - July 1985 and the famous Live Aid performance. During an event created to help many millions beat the threat of starvation, Freddie and co had all 4 corners of the world eating out of their hands.

Crazy Foreign Hairdressers

When someone has to fill out an application form when applying for a job in a hairdressers, is 'manic stare' a pre-requisite? I ask this, because it seems to be the norm in my usual hairdressers in Stourbridge. As long as the person cutting my hair is polite, chatty and does a decent job, I can forgive the stare.

But a really manic stare is something else entirely. I mean a burn-through-lead stare. No - worse. I'm talking about a stare than would have made Idi Amin turn away in fear. No-one should be able to provoke that sort of response from a fellow human being.

I hope now I've put the picture in your head of a maniac. Now please add some frothy drool to the mixture. Now think of them brandishing a pair of scissors. Make them female - we know they're deadlier than the male.

Welcome to my private hell - welcome to last Saturday. Saturday was hair cut day - usually a trouble-free experience. So, there I was, sat in the hairdressers, patiently waiting for my turn, reading the paper. I hadn't even noticed that the most evil looking woman on the planet was looking at me until I finally looked up, and she beckoned me over to the guillotine - sorry - chair.

I thought, 'my god - she's the one fate (damn you, fate) has chosen to cut my hair. And I'll have to PAY for the 'privelege''.

I was fixed with the 'Mwahahahahahaaaa!!! Another victim!' smile. The insane laughter at the start of that quote was certainly silent. But behind that grim, bored, almost tortured expression of blank nothingness I assure you she was happy about nature's selection - me - as her next unwilling piece of prey.

I sat down, and had one last look in the mirror as a live human being when she asked, "What you like, meester?"

Broken English. Broken. Like my spirit. This maniacal, evil looking woman - armed with full compliment of machetes - cannot speak my language. I cannot reason with her - I cannot plead with her for my life. This is a disaster.

"Erm - just short and neat."

The red eyes flicker. Think Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Only scarier. Sauron was just one eye. Hecate here has 2, and a body to house them. She grabbed a fistful of my hair (not gently) and barked,
"This much? Huh?"
"Erm, maybe not quite that much."
She relinquished her grip. For all of 3 seconds. Then the Fist of Doom came back and grasped not quite as much as previously, but with the same force as a Nadal backhand from the baseline.
"Now?"
You have no idea how much she sounded like Mrs Goebbels in Downfall when she said that.
"Yar. Sorry, yes." I uttered weakly.

I shall continue with the movie similies here. This time, she exhaled the sort of exhale of air you associate with Ridley Scott's Alien as she moved across my line of sight, scissors in one hand, trident in the other. I am, of course, joking about the trident. She was too busy sharpening the razor with her nails to grasp such a cumbersome object.

Ah, that gentle, reassuring, soft 'snip, snip' you hear in the quintessential barber's shops. The ones Paul McCartney sang about in Penny Lane. I now know - for sure - that any reassuring noises are soothed by your brain and transmitted as 'nice' noises.

My brain couldn't recognise 'nice' noises, merely noises ob object horror. TERRIFYING horror. Thanks to my brain, I was now listening to hacking, shearing, tearing, scraping noises - all coming from the twisted piece of metal brandished by this serial killer towering above me. I was pinned down in my chair - manacled by the invisible barrier of black cloth around my neck, cascading over my shoulders. Because you NEVER lift your hands over the black cloth. It's like a burkha for the cuttee's arms.

I dared to look back in the mirror. I tried to ignore my petrified expression and looked at my head. Half of which looked neater. The other half didn't. Christ, she'd made me into an emo!

If I could see myself now, I'd probably scream, maaaan.....

I don't know how I dared to challenge her, but I did.

"Erm, please can you take a bit off my fringe?"
"Fringe? Fringe?" This was said in the same tone of voice as Mr Bumble. from Oliver Twist. Substitute 'Fringe?' for 'More?' and you're there.
"Yes please. It looks a bit long for me."
"Not long. Good. You is look good."

I really didn't. I looked like an emo. I don't want to look like an emo. I want to look like me. And I'm not an emo. If all else failed, I could always go for the trusted grade 2 all over. But then the wife wouldn't talk to me. Which would make me all depressed and - well, for want of a better word, like an emo. I suppose feeling like an emo is better than LOOKING and feeling like an emo. I'd risk it - if this didn't work, I was going for the buzz cut. Hannah would understand - I'm sure Jill Morrell didn't like John McCarthy's 5 year stubble when he was released, but we're talking survival here. We'd work it out over time.

"No, I'd like my fringe cut short please."
A 'harumph' followed. I'm not sure how to properly type that noise, but 'harumph' will do. An angry, Eastern European noise, if you like.

Five minute of grunting, scraping, shearing noises later, and I looked human again. Sort of like Theoden after Gandalf wakes him up from his trance in The Two Towers, but with shorter hair and no beard.

Usually, the black arm burkha is out of bounds for the cuttee, but I didn't care. I flung the thing off as soon as those blades were far enough away from my jugular and made for the till. I was buying my own freedom. Why didn't McCarthy and chums think of this?

Maybe such tests are put in front of us as a reminder of why some men go bald?